Ask me no questions, I’ll try not to make stuff up

Well, that was interesting. I just got off the phone with DD20. She has a doctor’s appointment Tuesday (nothing serious) and had to fill out a Medical History and she wanted my help. It was tedious. She really only has one symptom: leg pains. She couldn’t figure out why they would ask whether she has bleeding gums. “Bleeding gums? What kind of thing is that to ask?” I said, “It’s a general questionnaire. I guess some people have that, or they wouldn’t ask.”

So we slogged our way through a very long list of questions beginning, “Have you ever had . . .” To which most of the answers were, “No.” Thank God. But we were bored. So, predictably, it then became ridiculous.

Q: List any major surgeries. A: Appendectomy.

Q: List reason for surgery. A: It was about to explode!

“I think probably appendectomy is self-explanatory.”

“Hey, they asked for a reason.”

Q: How many people in your household?

“What, like in my room or the whole dorm? I’m going to put 2/500.”

I think this is where I started to laugh. No doubt this was a mistake on my part.

Q: Who does the majority of the housework? A: No one.

Q: Who does the majority of the shopping? A: No one.

“They’re going to think you’re living in filth and starving to death.”

“I am.”

Q: Who does the majority of the yard work? A: The UNC grounds crew.

“Did you really write that as an answer?”

“Yes. Judging by these questions, this doctor sees a lot of really messed up people and needs something to laugh about.”

Q: Do you wake up feeling rested? A: Of course not. I’m a college student.

Q: What activity gives you the most trouble? A: Homework.

“I don’t think that’s what they meant.”

“Then they should have been more specific.”

Q: Do you have to climb stairs? How many? A: Yes, a lot. About a billion every day.

“A billion?”

“What, they expect me to count them? Yes, a billion.”

And so it went. I’m still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. I hope her sense of humour prevails when she is old and less fit and the answers to these questions will most likely not all be “No.”

I won’t be surprised if I get a call Tuesday afternoon, informing me my daughter has been admitted for psychiatric evaluation due to her Inability to Take Things Seriously. I’ll be sure to tell them that kind of thing runs in the family. They just forgot to ask.


Filed under uncategorized

8 responses to “Ask me no questions, I’ll try not to make stuff up

  1. Anonymous

    thank you for sharing. I have tears streaming down my face from laughing.
    Hope DD is feeling better soon.


  2. McB

    OMB! I went through this recently with my mother. Me: “why does she have to fill all this out?” Nurse: “for our records.” Me: She was just here a few months ago.” … some minutes later sitting next to Mom and filling out the form … Me: “So, Mom, have you ever been pregnant?” Mom: ” ” (okay if you are a mother or have a mother you can probably picture the look she gave me).


  3. Theresa

    Hehehehe. Your daughter sounds like a hoot! Thanks for sharing!

    In college, we used to complain because with every visit to the health center, they seemed to start with the assumption that you might be pregnant.

    Me*: I have a really bad hang nail.

    Nurse: And when was the last time you had your period?


  4. BCB

    Theresa, why are you over here reading this when you should be doing ds revisions? Tsk.

    A co-worker said that when she was in college, every visit to the health service resulted in a pelvic exam. She was one of several kids who all had food poisoning — it was so bad one of the guys died — yet they insisted on doing a pelvic exam. Makes you wonder who is in charge.


  5. orangehands

    hahaha! and Dr. T, exactly the same way here. “You were just hit by a car? Well, when was your last period?” (swear to bob, this happened right in front of me*)

    my favorite visit: I’m coughing like hell, barely able to get a word out without one, as she asks me* a few questions.

    “So do you have a cough?”

    *rolls eyes* where do they get them?


  6. Robin

    So, so funny. I bet it does give the nurse or dr who reads it a welcome laugh.


  7. LtL

    What a wonderful relationship you have with your daughter. A credit to you both. I hope she is feeling better now. And, with any luck, you’ll get to fill out a census form together sometime.


  8. Xenia

    Your daughter is hilarious. It obviously runs in the family.

    And I feel her pain (and Dr.T’s and OH’s). They always had the stupidest questions on those forms–the first one always being about pregnancy. And then they’d ask about it, just in case you got knocked up somewhere between the waiting room and the exam room. Twits.