Well, that was interesting. I just got off the phone with DD20. She has a doctor’s appointment Tuesday (nothing serious) and had to fill out a Medical History and she wanted my help. It was tedious. She really only has one symptom: leg pains. She couldn’t figure out why they would ask whether she has bleeding gums. “Bleeding gums? What kind of thing is that to ask?” I said, “It’s a general questionnaire. I guess some people have that, or they wouldn’t ask.”
So we slogged our way through a very long list of questions beginning, “Have you ever had . . .” To which most of the answers were, “No.” Thank God. But we were bored. So, predictably, it then became ridiculous.
Q: List any major surgeries. A: Appendectomy.
Q: List reason for surgery. A: It was about to explode!
“I think probably appendectomy is self-explanatory.”
“Hey, they asked for a reason.”
Q: How many people in your household?
“What, like in my room or the whole dorm? I’m going to put 2/500.”
I think this is where I started to laugh. No doubt this was a mistake on my part.
Q: Who does the majority of the housework? A: No one.
Q: Who does the majority of the shopping? A: No one.
“They’re going to think you’re living in filth and starving to death.”
Q: Who does the majority of the yard work? A: The UNC grounds crew.
“Did you really write that as an answer?”
“Yes. Judging by these questions, this doctor sees a lot of really messed up people and needs something to laugh about.”
Q: Do you wake up feeling rested? A: Of course not. I’m a college student.
Q: What activity gives you the most trouble? A: Homework.
“I don’t think that’s what they meant.”
“Then they should have been more specific.”
Q: Do you have to climb stairs? How many? A: Yes, a lot. About a billion every day.
“What, they expect me to count them? Yes, a billion.”
And so it went. I’m still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. I hope her sense of humour prevails when she is old and less fit and the answers to these questions will most likely not all be “No.”
I won’t be surprised if I get a call Tuesday afternoon, informing me my daughter has been admitted for psychiatric evaluation due to her Inability to Take Things Seriously. I’ll be sure to tell them that kind of thing runs in the family. They just forgot to ask.