Have you ever had one of those times in your life when everything around you seems to be changing? Some good changes, some bad, some welcomed, some dreaded. Just changing. A time when you know with inexplicable certainty that things are going to be different, when you sense that even those things that remain unchanged won’t seem the same. Because you realize you are changing as well, only you’re not yet sure in what ways.
That’s how I’ve been feeling today. I’m in a meditative, reflective mood. Sort of sad, but not really. Thinking about the past — events and people, both recent and distant; and about the future — what and who it might hold.
And then I received very sad news about the death of a friend’s father. On a day when I have been thinking about my own father, who died more than ten years ago. And how at times like this, times of great change, I wish I could just talk to him. Just listen to him. And I am swamped with empathy and sorrow for my friend who, ten years from now, will no doubt have days like this as well. Days when she still feels that same void.
The present is the only place where things happen, the only place you can live. But my thoughts today seem to be wandering between the place where things can’t be changed and the place where things can’t be predicted, somehow unable to focus on the thin fragile slice that is now.
Probably I’ll feel different tomorrow. Because everything changes, eventually.