The one constant

Have you ever had one of those times in your life when everything around you seems to be changing? Some good changes, some bad, some welcomed, some dreaded. Just changing. A time when you know with inexplicable certainty that things are going to be different, when you sense that even those things that remain unchanged won’t seem the same. Because you realize you are changing as well, only you’re not yet sure in what ways.

That’s how I’ve been feeling today. I’m in a meditative, reflective mood. Sort of sad, but not really. Thinking about the past — events and people, both recent and distant; and about the future — what and who it might hold.

And then I received very sad news about the death of a friend’s father. On a day when I have been thinking about my own father, who died more than ten years ago. And how at times like this, times of great change, I wish I could just talk to him. Just listen to him. And I am swamped with empathy and sorrow for my friend who, ten years from now, will no doubt have days like this as well. Days when she still feels that same void.

The present is the only place where things happen, the only place you can live. But my thoughts today seem to be wandering between the place where things can’t be changed and the place where things can’t be predicted, somehow unable to focus on the thin fragile slice that is now.

Probably I’ll feel different tomorrow. Because everything changes, eventually.


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7 responses to “The one constant

  1. Jennifer Talty

    It’s always sad when a loved one passes. As time goes on, we tend to reflect, remember and savor the precious moments. Enjoy them. Be grateful and thankful that you have them.

    Things could have been different.


  2. Mary

    What Jen said.

    I tend to spend Father’s day remembering the past too. I am especially sorry that my father died while I was still too young to relate to him as a one adult to another and not just as “Dad.” But I try to make this a day to remember the good times we shared and the love that still endures.


  3. Sheryl

    I went downstairs and gave my dad an extra hug last night because I do know how incredibly blessed I am to still have him such an active and cherished part of my life. But it never hurts to remind him I know that.


  4. dee

    As usual, your post is just perfect. And I know that the friend you mentioned will cherish your words and thoughts when she sees them.
    You are one very special lady.


  5. GatorPerson

    I was thinking the same thing recently, about wanting to talk to my father. He died more than 40 years ago.

    Maybe when I grow up I’ll know how to handle it! And then be able to tell other people how to do it.


  6. jenb

    I have been thinking the same as has been so beautifully expressed.

    I think, when a parent who has been a loving influence, the wish to discuss the happenings of what is now going on never does fade.

    As always BCB, you have said what I have been thinking, but so much better. Thanks


  7. orangehands

    cherish the memories

    that was beautifully put