In general, when I am unusually quiet it is more than likely due to one of four reasons:
1) I am listening and thinking.
2) I am deeply hurt.
3) I am coldly furious.
4) I can’t think of a single thing worth saying.
I am quite certain none of you reading this need permission, let alone urging, but what the hell: be my guest, go ahead and speculate.
Good grief. Judging by the emails that clogged up my inbox while I was at work today, half of you think the reason I am quiet lately is either 2) or 3) — god only knows what the rest of you think. Maybe that you were the cause of either 2) or 3) and so now you are cowering under your beds?
OK, granted, those two things do make me quiet. Mostly because I have learned the hard way that communicating under those circumstances is a really, really bad idea. I tend to say things I mean and then can’t take them back. Just ask any of my sisters.
But lately? No. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of 1). Add that to a couple of recent work weeks that are pushing 50 hours and I end up with a good bit of 4). I’m exhausted and my brain is full of numbers. All the words are squashed down at the bottom and can’t get out. Not very interesting. So I thought I’d give you all something to talk about while I was at work today. Huh. Little did I know that one of the things that makes YOU all quiet (apart from all those emails), is the thought of ME being hurt or angry.
Geez, people. I mean, it’s nice that you care, but really. Unless… maybe you all know something I don’t? Maybe there is some reason I should be either 2) or 3)? Hmmm. Interesting.
Nope, thinking about that is making my head hurt.
You know, I’m so tired right now, it would be almost impossible for me to work up a good 2) or 3). Actually, if you’ve been harboring a secret wish to do something to me that might cause either 2) or 3), this would be a great time to do it. I doubt I’ll even notice.
It’s a pretty sad day when I give you one little rhetorical question to contemplate and you all refuse to even speculate.
So I’ll be specific: What makes you quiet?
Other than this post, that is.