Wish You Were H– um, never mind

One day last week a challenge was issued for me to post on my blog while on vacation. Well, it took some effort to accomplish, but here I am. Hope you all appreciate it.

It was quite an undertaking. First we had to navigate the kayaks across the fjord, then hook up with the sherpas and cross the mountain range. Then we had to rendezvous with the nomads and the camels (everything they say about those beasts is true, by the way) and trek across the desert. The SF helicopter waited as long as it could, but we were running late and they had places to go and things to blow up so we had to take the train overland to the internet kiosk. Sheesh. The things I do.

Some of the more cynical among you will wonder whether I wrote this before I left and set a timer thing to post if for me. Right. Those would be the people who do not know me very well and don’t realize how much easier it would be to just find an internet connection in a foreign country and post in real time.

Don’t believe me? Hmm. I should just leave you all to wonder about it, shouldn’t I? Perhaps in retaliation for the mess you’ve made in here while getting into the holiday spirits.

And whoever left my dog outside overnight with the incapacitated delivery man and the cookies? Bad idea. I’ll never be able to order pizza takeout again.

Did you know that Blogger tracks where you are and changes the language on your laptop to fit the country? I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy.

I have to get back to getting away from it all now. Maintaining this state of sated bliss is damn hard work, you know.


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29 responses to “Wish You Were H– um, never mind

  1. Sheryl

    BCB – glad you stopped by. I hope you’re having a wonderful time. Sorry about the dog. My dog ate the entire bag of dark chocolate M&Ms a friend gave me last night. I think I’ll send him out into the yard with yours.


  2. btuda

    BCB – glad you’re not overdoing it or anything. So Blogger changes the language to where ever you are? Kinda reminds me of the time I changed the settings on my own place and then couldn’t remember where to go to change it back. And no, it does not magically translate your entry into German or Chinese. Just in case anyone was wondering.

    Um, about your dog … he had this really goofy look on his face and a pink ribbon tucked in his collar. Do the neighbors have a poodle? Speaking of whom, the neighbors called …


  3. McB

    Camels? Camels!!! Hey can you bring one back for the live nativity we’re doing? That would be the perfect touch. Might help keep the donkeys in line too.


  4. btuda

    Hey, I know it’s Monday, people, but Jello shots already? Couldn’t have waited until after work? And who’s going to clean up after that camel? He’s eating the Jello boxes and I … what’s that? Taste this? Well, maybe just a sip … actually that is pretty good. So that’s a Jello shot. Hmm.

    Ooooo. Look at all the pretty, pretty lights …


  5. K.L.

    I brought some candy canes. They make great stir sticks. And look at the peppermint schanpps that came with them.

    Good thing you checked in BCB. We wouldn’t have wanted you to miss the party.


  6. Totally Anonymous Non-Mary... Really

    Well that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, BicB. Not only do you spoil the surprise by popping back early, you go on to inform us that Blogger is tracking us… every move we make… They Knew Where We Are… What We Are Doing… I don’t think I can take it.

    xalehhfz – an exhalation that is partially a regretful sigh


  7. btuda

    Don’t worry Non-Mary. They have Super Secret Anti-Tracking Blogger devices at the door. Every time Blogger hiccups, another CB has escaped to freedom and gotten their wings.

    Of course, in this case, the wings are more like plane tickets to some super secret island getaway, but oh well.

    BTW, you and your identities never fail to crack me up!


  8. McB

    Well folks its the middle of the week and she’s going to be home in a few days so we have to get cracking and finish decorating this place. And I have just the finishing touch. Saw it on Good Morning America the other weekend, make your own snow. See its this flaky stuff and you just add some water and … oh too much water. No problem, just sprinkle in some more flakes … whoops …. okay, um, maybe if we spread this outside on the lawn??


  9. btuda

    Alright, who made the twenty-foot snow Godzilla on the front lawn? With the Santa hat he is pretty cute, but he’s eating my car. And he better not have that hot tamale breath. It’ll peel the paint right off.



  10. Theresa in a new 'burgh

    Hhhmp. A little help here! I really want to get this huge light up Santa and sleigh up on the roof. Oh, and there are the live reindeer that I was expecting. Anyone know have any idea how to lure them up onto the roof? Maybe they’ll like some of the…oh, no…they’re eating BCBs shrubbery. Think she’ll notice? Quick, MCB, get some of that fake snow over here!


  11. Sheryl

    Don’t forget the lights so she’ll be able to see her house from the sky. Where’s the mistletoe? She needs lots of mistletoe for the delivery guys. They like mistletoe :ahem: Not that I’m speaking from experience. Mary told me. Is the punch bowl getting low? :splash: Too much rum in the punch? Let me refill all your glasses so I can add more eggnog. Ooops, wrong bottle.


  12. Mary

    Hey! There’s too much pum in my runch!

    Tell me. Is the ceiling supposed to be spinning like that? Looks like someone set up one of those disco balls that send glittering facets of light flashing into dark corners where innocent tech writers are trying to lurk.


  13. McB

    Mary said…
    Hey! There’s too much pum in my runch!

    I hate when that happens.

    Nah, no disco balls. But we couldn’t get the ornaments to stick to the pole and the tree is still hanging half out of the window. So we jabbed the free ends of the ornament hangers into the ceiling. Gives it that starry effect.


  14. Mary

    Whew! Thank you for explaining that, McB. Now that I look closer, it does have that Van Gogh effect. Very pretty.

    Now tell me, why are they playing disco music? Where’s the rambunctious Christmasy tunes? The hip hop Hannukah hymns? Not one cacophonous Kwanzaa chorus? Sheesh. Now they’re playing the Bee Gees. WHAT KIND OF DJ ARE YOU?

    twpiyed – I think it’s time I twpiyed a letter of complaint about this music


  15. rssasrb

    Hope you are having a wonderful time and that you are finishing the book.


  16. rssasrb

    Oookaay. Should have read the other comments before I posted. Heading to your house BCB, sounds like things are really hopping.

    The cat likes the tree half in and half out of the house. Um, you know that commercial where the cat has a party while the owners are gone…

    They got some of the ornaments off the ceiling for you.


  17. Sheryl

    Welcome to the party, Robin. We need to pick the chips up off the floor, wipe the dip from the couch and toss the leftover punch in the plants. BCB will be home soon. We want it to look like decorating elves visited while she was gone, not a bunch of shovel toting, rum swilling CBs who partied til the dog puked. Quick, Mary, untie that delivery guy and hide the rest of the evidence. MCB, stop lining up the gingerbread men like that. It’s time to go before she catches us.
    Good work team!


  18. Mary

    Waving one crutch in the air for emphasis, Cherry Magic Sheryl spake thusly:
    Quick, Mary, untie that delivery guy and hide the rest of the evidence.

    Awwwwww…. do I hafta? Can I take him home with me, can I? Huh? BCB can drive to get her pizzas instead of having them delivered.

    Well… okay… grumble, grumble, grumble…

    Does anybody know what will remove tequila stains from carpet? Might be simpler to give her a brand new carpet. Anybody got a friend who can get it for us wholesale?


  19. Scope Dope Cherrybomb

    What’s wrong with the music? I was planning on playing a little Lettermen or The Carpenters next and then if you want Christmas music I have Bing all ready to go.

    I seem to be the only suber one hear so I shuld do the music. At least I can read the 45 record labels. Oh look, my son’s favorite Bobby Goldsboro singing “Watchin ‘ Scotty grow.”


  20. btuda

    I have a recommendation for the music. Right now my favorite holiday CD is by the Bare Naked Ladies (just trust me on the name. it’s legit). They have this great version of Sleigh Ride, but no one can remember the words so the entire song is, “Bop bop bop, bop dede bop bop dele bop do …” LOL.

    mary: we can just move the couch to hide the tequila stain. What’s that? It’s already hiding another stain? Hmm. Well, it looks like BCB is the proud new owner of a potted palm tree.

    And I know nothing about the thong chandalier. And I really don’t want to know how they got there either.


  21. wapakwoman

    OOOOOO let’s take the thong chandelier to our new house. I think it would fit in perfectly.
    BCB, I hope you have a really Merry Christams. Since you have been in the islands, finding all your presents will be like a treasure hunt. We each took some and put them away VERY safely. OF course, no one remembers where. I would check the ceiling first.

    Off to make some more headless gingerbread men for the brunch after new years at the new house.

    Stop on by if you get a chance.


  22. McB

    CMS said … MCB, stop lining up the gingerbread men like that.

    But they’re so cute with their little icing uniforms. And look I did a few cowboy versions just for BCB. You can tell the difference ’cause hers have bow legs.


  23. McB

    Did we get all the recyclables collected? Because I think she’s back. If you find anything else, feed it to the camel.

    Someone hit the lights so she can find her way home …

    *pzzzpppttt … *

    Hmmm. How much does a new transformer cost?

    Quick, Penny. Say yellow belly!


  24. Scope Dope Cherrybomb

    Yellow Belly. What do I get for saying it?

    You guys better get the heck out of there. Bcb is back and going to be looking for who made this mess. And who gave the dog the rest of the egg nog? You are in real trouble now. Me, on the other hand, I was very good I only played the music. She had a great collection of 45s. I just found “I got you babe” by Sonny and Cher when I heard bcb drive up the driveway. Oh well might as well play it for her anyway.


  25. Mary

    Okay, everybody who hasn’t left yet… HIDE! She’s coming! And she looks quite tetchy after having to go to work right after her vacation… not home to Ms. Reasonable, I’d say… tiptoe away very slowly


  26. Margaret

    BCB !! You’re back!!

    Did you have a wonderful time?

    Was your flight on time? Any lost luggage?

    Did you get sunburnt? (Oh, right there? heehee!! bet that hurts.)

    What did you bring us?

    Glad you’re home safe and sound (or as sound as any other time, I guess…)



  27. Sheryl

    Welcome home BCB!
    Did you miss us? Just a little???

    We missed you. Sorry about the carpet. I know a guy who said he could replace it…great deal…very reasonable..we might have to sell the stirpper pole to pay for it…what’s that Lori?Not the stripper pole! stop wailing, we’ll get you a new one…oh, nevermind, there’s enough change in the couch cushions over in the basement…phew


  28. Cary

    Welcome home BCB! Hope you got a lot of rest on those comfy terry-cloth-covered lounge chairs. And that the cabana boys were all handsome, buff, and tan.

    And I hope you got in all the written words you could dream up. Don’t forget, Babs is waiting for that book!


  29. McB

    Babs? Heck, I’m waiting for that book!

    Welcome home, BCB. And don’t worry about the neighbors. I think the camel scared them off for a while.