It’s a party! And you’re invited!

I have a friend — let’s call her Diane, because that’s her name — who is planning a trip for next summer. Diane is going to Ireland. I can’t remember exactly WHY she’s going to Ireland, because I have the attention span of a fruit fly, but I’m sure it’s for some properly edifying reason. Probably it’s not to hang out at pubs, drinking whisky and picking up gorgeous charming guys with lovely Irish accents. I mean, just because that’s what I’d do if I went to Ireland doesn’t mean that’s what she has planned.

Anyway, my friend is a teacher (a professor, actually) and an avid reader, and so of course she has a supplemental, if inconsistent, source of income. How else is she going to supply her book habit?

Diane is a consultant for Pampered Chef, which means she earns a commission if she convinces people to have parties and invite other people to attend and spend money on really cool kitchen gadgetry. Hey, beats being a paid assassin. Results in far less jail time. And gore.

I wholeheartedly support this concept of going off to Ireland to have an adventure, especially since I’m convinced all the men over there are single and look like Pierce Brosnan.

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So I offered to host a party to help her out. And also because she assured me I could do the entire thing online and wouldn’t even have to get dressed or talk to people in real life.

Now, I know, if you have a kitchen, you’re thinking you already have all the kitchen things you could ever need, and then some. So do I. But just look at some of this stuff. I bet you don’t have one of these:

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You don’t even know what that is, do you? Neither did I. It’s a stoneware microwave egg cooker. This is pure genius. I want one.

I bet you don’t have these, either:

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Those are something called microwave grips. Great for removing hot stuff from the microwave without burning yourself.

And I know you don’t have these:

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OK, you might have the citrus peeler. I remember my mom had one and it was pretty useful. The other tube-like thing is a garlic peeler and I used to have one but then I made the mistake of showing it to my daughter the last time she was home and she said, “That is SO cool!” and now . . . I no longer have one (it’s OK, I told her she could take it).

Or maybe you know someone who really needs a set of these:

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They look like the things my mom used to twist up into my grandma’s hair back when she’d give her a home perm, but they’re actually clips for holding things shut. Although I guess you could put them in your hair.

And now you’re curious, aren’t you? What other gadgets are you missing out on? Well, here’s the link to the website. Click on the tab in the corner that says “shop online” and when prompted, enter my name as the host: “KD” for the first name and “James” for the last.

Full disclosure: Apparently, I get some free stuff for being a host. Not sure what, exactly, but something. I’m thinking I might invite gorgeous Irishmen random people over to my house and force them to [redacted] ask them to use this free stuff to cook for me.

So, go take a look around. You’ve got about ten days before the party’s over. Pace yourself. Shop early and often. There’s a ton of stuff: cookware and bakeware and stoneware and bamboo and cutlery and knives and cookbooks and spices and rubs and oil infusions. They also have drink mixes: Lemon Drop Martini, Appletini, Margarita, Strawberry Daiquiri . . . yum.

There’s even non-mysterious stuff, like these placemats. Seriously, placemats are not mysterious. Not even a little:

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Really, if you can’t find something over there that you didn’t realize you didn’t have but now suddenly need . . . well, you’re just not trying. Or you don’t have a kitchen. Maybe not even a stomach. Poor baby.

Or perhaps you just don’t have room in your budget for extras. I certainly know that feeling. So be devious helpful and send the link to this post to a friend or two. Maybe they’ll invite you over sometime to check out their new toys. Hey, they might even feed you.

Seriously, it would be awesome if you could pitch in and help my friend earn a few bucks to cover some of the incidentals of international travel. I’m going to work on convincing her those incidentals should include that whole pub/whisky/flirting thing.

What would you put on your list of “things to do” if you ever were to travel to Ireland?

4 Comments

Filed under just for fun, travel

The Power of Three

“I’m not dead yet!”

Sorry for the extended silence over here. I’ve actually written a small handful of posts in the past two months, but they were either too trivial or too whiny or involved too much navel-gazing. So I deleted them and decided to wait until I could fit all those qualities into one post.

Ahem.

I’ve been busy writing. And deleting and editing and writing and deleting some more and . . . I swear, I will never participate in NaNo ever again. I suspect I’ve deleted or completely re-written every single word spewed forth in November. Mind you, I think NaNo is a terrific thing for writers if it works for them. I’d absolutely recommend that any interested writer give it a try, because you never know what might work if you don’t try it. But it’s just not a good fit for my writing process. Geez. I’ve never had to do such a major overhaul.

There, that takes care of the trivial whining portion of the post.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about marketing. Trying to think like a reader. Luckily, I am one! In fact, I am a voracious and highly experienced reader. So I’m the perfect person for me to ask about what works in terms of marketing books [just nod and agree as if that made sense].

What works for me? When I discover a new-to-me writer and read a book of theirs that I really like, the first thing I do is check to see whether they’ve written anything else. If they have, I’ll buy another book. If I like that, I’ll buy a third. And a fourth. And probably the entire backlist, provided it’s priced such that my budget can handle it.

But what happens when I read a book I really like and there are no more books by that person? Well, of course, I make a mental note to remember that person’s name. Because that works so well. Not. Sure, I could make an actual list. But I know how hard it is to write a book. I hope that person will write another, but I’ve seen dozens of writers disappear in my decades of reading. So I’m not counting on it.

Seeing an author’s name once or twice is not going to make it stick in my brain, no matter how much I might have enjoyed their writing. There are just too many other books and authors out there. And I read A LOT. But three times . . . there’s something memorable about that. Seeing something three times, searching Amazon three times, buying an author’s books three times, and — this is KEY — really enjoying something three times. That would leave a lasting impression, even with me.

Now, the importance of having a backlist is not a new concept. I’ve heard it from several sources, but probably heard it first from Bob Mayer. He has an uncanny knack for being way ahead of his time. Our time? The times? Whatever. I’m sure his prescience is a direct result of all those alien abductions. Anyway, I remember him saying there’s not much point in marketing your books until you’ve published at least three of them (there’s that number again).

I’ve decided to take that advice a step further. I’m not going to publish any of these stories I’m currently writing until I have at least three of them ready to go. Because if someone really likes a book I’ve written, I want them to be able to buy another one immediately. And, if they enjoy that, yet another. I might never get a second chance to capture that person’s attention. There are just too many other books out there.

I want that person to remember my name when future books are published. I figure three books ought to do it. I might be wrong. I have no statistics or publishing experience to back this up. All I have is my intuition and experience as a reader. But I’m pretty average in terms of remembering things [just nod and agree, humour me] and it seems to work for me. It makes sense to me.

As a writer, putting books out there as soon as they’re ready to go is a seductive prospect. Everyone does it that way, even traditional publishers. It would certainly satisfy my towering impatience. I also think it’s a mistake.

Yeah, I know, most of you reading this post already know my name (as well as my new pen name) and will argue that you don’t want or need to wait until I have three books ready. I know that, and I’m sorry to make you wait. Really, I am.

But I’m sort of hoping to sell books to more than five people. Looking at this from the perspective of an unknown reader, it just doesn’t make sense to rush to publication and do this piecemeal. The importance of seeing things from that perspective, being aware of the discovery process of the unknown reader, is something writers can’t afford to ignore in this new realm of DIY publishing.

So if you’ve been wondering why I haven’t published anything yet, that’s why. Yes, I could have. But just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean you should. And I believe there are compelling reasons why it would be foolish to do so.

Of course, none of this matters AT ALL if no one enjoys the books. So, back to working on that part of it.

16 Comments

Filed under goals, marketing, self-publishing

Sometimes, you are the problem

I’ve been having a tough time trying to re-focus and get back into writing since the holiday break. It has been incredibly frustrating.

I knew I wouldn’t be writing during the two weeks my daughter and her fiancé (and their dog and cat) were here, and I was fine with that. Time with them is rare and precious. I planned for that. I worked damned hard during the weeks leading up to their visit in an effort to make up for that.

And I really wasn’t surprised when I was too sad in the days after they left to get much done. That’s familiar territory, missing them and the commotion and noise and energy they bring with them. Although it did seem to last longer this time, and to feel more like depression than just sadness, than it has in the past. But still. An entire third week of not writing. At all.

During this past week, the fourth full week of not writing, I still couldn’t seem to focus and get on with it. Every day I woke up with a vague feeling of something hanging over me. Almost a feeling of dread. Like there was some unnamed threatening thing out there, only I had no idea what it might be. I was lethargic and unmotivated. Exhausted, even though I’d pretty much done nothing at all, certainly nothing tiring.

And I felt guilty as hell, because I NEEDED to be writing. I just couldn’t.

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And then I had a dream in which my former employer called, saying what an awful mistake they’d made and begging me to come back to work. In January. The most stressful and demanding time of year, dealing with year-end financial reporting. And in my dream I couldn’t speak, couldn’t answer. The damned thing just kept repeating, over and over, him begging me to come back, until I woke up in an absolute panic. I wanted to go back to sleep so I could tell him, “HELL NO.”

Mind you, in real life, this is just not going to happen. Not even a slim chance. It’s not something I’m even remotely worried about. Besides, I’d just say no. Nicely.

But I finally realized what has been wrong with me. I’ve been conditioned to dread this time of year. It has never been a time for writing. This is the time of year to be overworked and underappreciated and exhausted and stressed to the max. A time when life narrows down to the overtime demands of the job at the expense of everything else. And I’ve been feeling that way even though there’s no longer anything causing those feelings.

What an idiot. I’d like to believe I have more self-control than one of the subjects of Pavlov’s experiments. Geez.

My initial reaction was to have harsh words with myself and tell myself to suck it up and get over it, dammit, and just do what needed to be done. Regardless of how I felt. Except, you know, I’m really sort of fed up with sacrificing my sanity for the “greater good” at this time of year.

So rather than beat myself up about it and add more stress to my life, I decided that this might just be the time of year when I need to be kinder to myself. To give myself a break and lower my expectations. A time to relax and slow down and breathe deeply and let go of all stress. To be accepting of decreased productivity.

So that’s what I resolved to do, this year and every year from now on. Well, at least until I stop foaming at the mouth every time I hear that damned bell tolling its less than dulcet tones of “year-end tax reports” in my head.

That was Friday. I decided to take the rest of the month off. An extended vacation, no pressure. I’m telling you, I woke up Saturday feeling so relaxed and calm. Refreshed. Energized. Optimistic. Like it wasn’t even January any more.

And then . . . somehow . . . I, um, spent the next two days writing. Thousands of words.

I am so contrary. Maybe I don’t need that extended break after all. We’ll see.

Do any of you have a time of year like this that just destroys you? I hope you don’t. But if you do, maybe consider finding a way to be kinder to yourself until you get past it.

Oh, I almost forgot. I did try again before Christmas to write that sweet short story. Sigh. The characters were insipid and boring and so incredibly sweet — really, you would have hated them too — and I decided to consign them to the unremarked obscurity of the happily-ever-after they so richly deserved and never write about them, ever. Be patient, there are far more interesting people on the way. Now that I’m writing again.

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Filed under health and well-being, writing

The best of intentions

Last week, I decided it would be fun to take a break and write a romantic short story that I could put up over here as a sort of holiday present. Something you could download for free. A very short story, maybe a few thousand words. Just a sweet holiday romance. And since I’ve always been a sucker for snowbound and trapped alone together stories, I thought that’s what I’d write.

I should have known better.

Now, before you all yell at me for wandering off on a tangent, I have completed rough drafts of both the novella and one short story and am about to start a second erotic short. So it’s not like I’m slacking off. I’ve been very productive.

Anyway, I started off thinking about this woman named Jenna, walking in the snow. No, not walking, she was hiking. I don’t know where, someplace cold and remote where there’s snow. She lives in a cabin. And she had a dog with her. No, wait, not a dog. A wolfdog that she sort of rescued last winter and calls Luna. Not really tame at all. Don’t ask why, I have no idea. Luna just showed up.

So she’s hiking along with her not-so-tame wolfdog and she’s following some tracks in the freshly fallen snow. So far, so good. Here’s the first paragraph I wrote:

Luna smelled the man before Jenna saw him, the wolfdog’s low growl served as both challenge and warning. Jenna knew they were getting close, judging by the increasingly ragged footprints she’d been tracking through fresh snow for the past half hour. Whoever he was, the man was either injured or exhausted. Maybe both. Or he might be faking injury in order to draw her closer.

And I stopped and thought, well, she certainly seems like the suspicious type. But okay, maybe she has reason to be. So I wrote some more:

As they approached the dark figure sprawled on the ground in stark contrast to the snow accumulated under a small stand of winter-bare trees, Jenna held one hand out to her side in a “stay” command. She hoped Luna wouldn’t attack the man before she could figure out why he’d ventured this far into her territory. Although Jenna knew from past experience that Luna had her own sense of survival and would do as she pleased. They respected each other’s boundaries and mostly that worked out fine.

Jenna evaluated the man as she approached him with caution, moving slowly. She estimated his height as at least six feet, with broad shoulders filling out his jacket. He was wearing a large fully-loaded pack that didn’t look new, letting her know he at least had enough sense or experience not to abandon his supplies when the going got tough. His clothing was layered and the type meant to survive extreme weather conditions, so he wasn’t unprepared. All his gear was generic and unidentifiable by brand, just like hers.

I was starting to think Jenna was reacting with a bit more suspicion than the situation seemed to warrant. And the things she noticed were making me uneasy. Then I wrote:

And he was armed, if the knife she could see at the top edge of his boot was any indication.

Okay, now the guy seemed a bit threatening as well. Hmmm. So I wrote some more stuff about how she’s standing there several feet away, patiently, one hand on her own knife, waiting to see what he’d do. If anything. And she’s thinking:

She certainly had no desire to tangle with this man and briefly considered turning and leaving the way she’d come. He’d be fine or he wouldn’t. It was no concern of hers. But she wanted to know why he’d ventured onto this land. And who else knew he was here.

And now I’m getting irritated with myself, because this isn’t really sounding like a sweet romantic trapped-in-the-snow type of story. And Jenna sounds a bit cold-blooded for someone who is supposed to fall in love with this guy. But I figured I could soften her up later. Probably. I kept writing anyway:

Luna had stopped growling and was settled into a crouch. Still attentive, but no longer in attack mode. The man hadn’t moved, other than to breathe. Not many men could force themselves to lie absolutely still in six inches of snow in sub-freezing temps for as long as she’d been standing there. And the ones who could– well, that didn’t bear thinking about.

Wait. What? Where did that come from? But I kept writing, because I just knew that any minute now she was going to fall head over heels, right on cue, and then this came next:

She pulled her knife and moved closer, close enough that she could reach out and grab the knit cap he was wearing. She yanked it off and revealed the bandana he’d tied around his head. And the wide patch of blood that had seeped through the cloth. She froze for a moment, memories washing over her as she recalled another man who had tied a bandana like that. But that man was dead. This was just a weird coincidence. There were plenty of men . . . who tied a bandana . . . just like that.

Jenna dropped the cap into the snow and grabbed the man’s shoulder, roughly turning his body until his bulky pack stopped the movement. But it was far enough that she could see his face. His gorgeous, chiseled, deceitful, lying face.

Not a coincidence after all.

Her grip tightened on the handle of her knife and if he’d moved in that moment she would have slit his throat without a second thought. But he was out cold. Max fucking Burton was helpless and at her mercy. And that thought was more delicious than was probably good for her mortal soul.

Ahem.

Okay, clearly, this was not going to be the sweet story I set out to write. I no longer had any delusions about this woman getting all dewy-eyed and romantic any time soon. So I wrote a bunch more stuff about how she bound his hands and feet and confiscated his weapons, and then built a crude travois (yeah, haven’t seen that word since fourth grade when we studied the Plains Indians, but that’s what she did) and tied his unconscious body to it and was dragging him through the snow to her cabin.

Snow had started to fall again. Heavily enough that the deep gouge made by the trailing poles would soon be covered and unnoticeable by the casual observer, though a tracker with even minimal experience would have no trouble following them. Unfortunately, Jenna knew that anyone who might be following them would have more than minimal experience.

She cursed and once again considered just leaving him to fend for himself. If it were anyone else, that’s exactly what she would have done. But Max was trouble. Hell, he’d been trouble even before he had died two years ago. Now here he was, very much alive. Well, mostly alive. She needed to find out why. And who was following him.

By the time they got back to her cabin the snowstorm had forced an early dusk and she was tired and cold and angry. She opened the door and pulled the travois up the two low steps, over the threshold and straight into the main room. She shrugged off both packs and set them out of reach before slicing the bindings and unceremoniously dumping Max onto the floor in front of the fireplace.

Okay, I tried to convince myself that now, in close quarters, they might have a chance to resolve old misunderstandings and maybe even give in to a passionate kiss. But holy guacamole, these two are difficult. And it seems that, in their case, “misunderstandings” is a vast understatement. The words just wouldn’t stop:

Luna reappeared with all the stealth of a ghost and followed them inside, as she was apt to do in harsh weather. She circled the still body twice, sniffing, testing the air around him, and then settled into a crouch a short distance away.

Jenna kicked the door shut and thought about dismantling the travois but decided she’d just have to re-build it if she ended up killing him and had to dispose of the body, so she propped it up against the far wall.

When she turned around, his eyes were opened to a pain-filled slit of blue, his voice a mere rasping whisper when he said, “You’re getting soft, Tanner. Thought you’d have killed me by now.”

“Hard to kill a dead man, Burton.”

He closed his eyes and was quiet for a long moment. “That wasn’t my idea.”

“What, the dying? Or lying to me about it.” She heard the pain mixed up with anger in her voice and hated herself for it.

“Neither. Both.” His voice was still a hoarse whisper. “Damn it, Murdoch was–”

“Stop talking,” she said, cutting him off. She pulled off her gloves and slapped them onto the table next to her. The room was cold and it was getting too dark to see him clearly. Max Burton was the kind of man you needed to keep an eye on. They both knew the only reason he was still tied up was because he hadn’t yet decided not to be. She lit the oil lamp on the table, keeping her face averted until she was certain her emotions were once again under control.

“I think I have a concussion.”

She turned, eyes narrowed at his attempt to sound pitiful. “I imagine you do.”

“You got anything for pain? Or maybe some whisky? A pillow?”

“I haven’t decided not to kill you. Don’t waste my time.”

And that’s where I stopped writing. Because by then it was almost 3AM and I was tired. And I had a few thousand words of a story and no idea where it was going. Well, other than it was NOT turning into what I had thought I was going to write. This is what happens when you start with character instead of plot.

I went to bed and had some very strange dreams and woke up knowing who Jenna is. She’s the daughter of one of the characters in that thriller I’ve put on hold. And Max is– honestly, I have no idea who the hell Max is. But they both appear to have “a very particular set of skills.” And a shared history.

So, this is interesting. Apparently my brain has been hard at work without me. Or something. This is not the sequel I had planned for that book. So maybe there are three books in that series.

At this point, I don’t know whether this rough beginning has enough “juice” to turn into anything substantial. I don’t know what happened two years ago, or who Murdoch is, or who gave Max a concussion and why (or what he might have done to them in return), or why he has “come back to life” and tracked Jenna down. Or even what she’s doing in a remote cabin by herself as winter is about to set in. I don’t know what made these two people so hard and why it seems they’re more likely to kill each other than not.

But I think I’m going to find out.

Just as soon as I finish that other short story I’m writing. Because, priorities.

So, anyway, I’m very sorry to report that I totally screwed up and there apparently will not be a short sweet snowbound romance for you over here, as intended. I’d make another attempt at it, except I’m not convinced chaos wouldn’t ensue. Although, honestly, that’s half the fun.

Then again, it would be so nice to have a pleasant hopeful diversion from reality right about now. Maybe this would work if I trapped two people, two different people, more malleable people, in a smaller place. A place less prone to intrigue and wild improvisation. Like a cave. Or an elevator. Or maybe . . . hmmm . . . a small town in Wisconsin?

Y’know, there might just be enough time left to write this thing. After all, it’s only a few thousand words. What could go wrong?

You all have any preference as to location?

15 Comments

Filed under holidays, just for fun, writing

An update and an excerpt

Well, here we are, approaching the last week of the 30 days of NaNo, and I thought it was time for an update. Words so far: 26,058. A bit behind, according to their timeline, but I’m happy with it.

My goal is not so much to write 50,000 words as it is to write as many words as I can, consistently. Not to write faster, necessarily, but to spend more time doing it. To get better at not letting myself be distracted by all the Shiny Things on the internet — something I’ve been horribly guilty of the past couple months.

After YEARS of wishing I didn’t have a day job to intrude on writing time, I’m finding it difficult to make the transition to having all the time in the world to write. I’m not accustomed to having more than an hour here and there to focus on writing. It’s tough, forming new habits.

I know, I know. Let’s find the world’s smallest violin and play a thin weak tune to accompany my ridiculously inappropriate whining.

So I’m getting better at focusing and spending more time writing each day. Well, most days. Because there are distractions. There was the day last week when the plumber was here. And I wrote, “And then he kissed her, hard. With all the passion– [pause to answer doorbell] –and longing . . . um, yeah, so then they . . . oh hell . . . finish this scene later, because I am NOT going to write a sex scene while some stranger is messing with my plumbing.”

No, that is not a euphemism.

But the plumber didn’t finish that day and the dispatcher called and said Ray (not his name) couldn’t come the next day and was it okay if his brother Steve (not his name) came instead and, after I reminded myself she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, I was all “sure, as long as he can get the job done.” Did I just say that? And then Steve shows up the next day and HE IS RAY’S IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER. And then my mind exploded. I swear, you can’t make this stuff up. But you can perhaps imagine how difficult it is to write steamy romance with people spouting double entendres in your general direction and with strong sweaty clean-cut romance tropes flexing their lean muscles all over the place while they do things to your pipes. So to speak.

I mean, c’mon. My imagination is a fearsome and filthy thing.

Anyway. I suspect it might take more time to edit this “fast writing” than it did to actually write it. [Note to self: delete all random references to ménage with twins; save for next book.] When this month-long experiment is over, I’ll have to evaluate whether the benefit of increased quantity [ahem] is worth the loss of . . . what was I saying?

In the meantime, since I know this talk of process is boring, here is an excerpt for your amusement. It’s rough. It hasn’t been edited. Well, maybe a little. Probably it needs to be completely re-written. Or maybe deleted. But I’m posting it anyway BECAUSE I AM FEARLESS. Um, wait. No, not that.

I’m posting it because it has been tough getting back into the mindset of writing romance. I keep wanting to add a conspiracy. Or maybe kill someone. In the story. Obviously, I hope you enjoy it. But also, if you feel inclined, I’d welcome any feedback. Please let me know whether I’m doing this right. Does this sound like the set-up of a steamy romance? Is it something you’d want to continue reading? Do you care about these people? I’m close to being done with the first draft, but it’s not too late. I’m sure I could knock off one or both of them in the edit.

It’s ridiculously long– er, lengthy– um, there are a lot of words, so I’m inserting it after the– oh hell. The excerpt is after the jump. If you want to read it, click the “continue reading” thing:

Continue reading

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Filed under goals, reader opinion, writing

There’s a first time for everything

Oh, help. I’ve signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo. For the first time ever. And I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. Well, other than writing like crazy for the next 30 days.

Anyone else out there participating? Do you want to be my “buddy?” Or tell me what that even means? Or how it works? Because I’m completely clueless.

Here’s the “bio” I posted over there, in which I confess that I’m breaking the rules right off the bat. Which I’m sure surprises exactly no one:

I’ve temporarily set aside the umpteenth draft of the thriller I’m writing to try my hand at steamy romance in the form of short stories and novellas. My goal is to write 50K+ words in November, which will finish the novella-in-progress and also complete a rough draft of the next two projects I’ve outlined. Yeah, I know it’s breaking “the rules” to work on a project already begun, but I don’t really care about that. I won’t be reporting words written prior to November 1st.

My goal is not to “win” according to the standard definition of finishing a 50K novel, but to get a ton of words on the page without stopping to edit or get all angsty over whether they’re good enough. Even if those words belong to different stories. Really hoping some public accountability will help with that. Feel free to (virtually) beat me up if I’m not making progress.

I’m “KD James” over there and here’s the link to my profile:

http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/kd-james

Wish me luck. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

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Filed under goals, writing

Happy Halloween

It has become a bit of a tradition to re-post this on Halloween — although I DID spare you all last year (you’re welcome) — so here it is again. Because apparently I’m lazy in October and don’t feel motivated to write blogs posts. Or maybe I’m preoccupied with writing fiction. Or something. Only this year there are fresh new pumpkin carvings from my sister, Annie Gray. Enjoy your Halloween!

This is what my sister, Annie, does to pumpkins this time of year [2008]:

come dance with me
Yes, she carved each and every one of them. Amazingly talented, is my sister.

UPDATE: Ooooh, she just emailed me this year’s [2009] efforts:

3Pumpkins

And here are the ones from this year [2012]:

Being much less adept with a knife, I think of Halloween as the annoyingly predictable day when the neighborhood kids come to ring my doorbell, sending The Wonder Dog into frenzied fits of insanity and the cat into traumatized seclusion, interrupting my solitude with their insincere and unconvincing cries of “trick or treat!” Of course, there are the practical souls who stand there silently, petulant, stubbornly holding out their buckets and pillowcases, recipients of a largesse earned by mere entitlement rather than effort or threat of force, their young faces costumed in ghoulish aspects of expectant greed.

No, this is not my favourite holiday. How could you tell?

But today is also Samhain, the dark twin of Beltane, sometimes known as All Hallow’s Eve — a night when it is said that the veil between the worlds of the living and of the dead is at its thinnest. Some say it is a night of unimaginable power. A night cloaked in mystery and pagan ritual, shrouded by superstition and fear. A night when the spirits of the dead roam freely among us, causing mischief and harm, unappeased by meager offerings and reined in only by the approach of dawn. Tales are told of incautious souls unwary enough to be lured by curiosity to the other side, and of those unfortunate few who do not make it back before night gives way to light.

As an antidote to the crass commercialism of the modern holiday, and just generally to cheer myself up, I tried to find a poem I could post here that would convey the dark eerie spookiness of the old pagan beliefs — that the threshold between the living and the dead is easily crossed on this night — but couldn’t find any that quite fit the right mood. So I wrote my own. I hope it’s as much fun to read as it was to write. May your Hallow E’en be a night of safe travels, one disturbed only by visitations of benign spirits.

come dance with me

they come in the darkest of night
to be
afoot in the absence of light
and see
the souls who have given the right
to me
to waltz upon their graves

they come now to witness the dance
and see
how fortune has done more than glance
at me
and evil has won the last chance
to be
the footprints on the graves

and oh how they quiver with fear
of me
and how their own lives they hold dear
and flee
though fate never has been more clear
to see
’tis written on the graves

the game has already been won
you see
and night will give way to the sun
and be
the lament of words left unsung
to me
the keeper of the graves

they say ’tis sheer madness this night
to be
awash in the absence of light
and see
them link hands this unhallowed night
with me
and dance upon their graves

come
dance
with
me

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